Just a small town girl……….

Image

Just a small town girl, living in a lonely world….and it goes on and on and on….don‘t stop believing…

 

This week I had someone ask me: “Is your life like your pictures? You know with the lace and tea cups, and the all the sweet baby animals? “

—ARE—YOU—KIDDING—ME?

I woke up this morning to my husband putting the lop eared rabbit in my bed to “say good morning” Slight problem there….I’m not a morning person- and my PTSD (post traumatic sick of your jokes disorder)  kicked in and I thought he was up to his usual shenanigans  of putting ring neck snakes, etc in the bed to “say good morning.” After my graceful recovery (that would be if you defined graceful as flopping spasmodically around in the bed and knocking things off the nightstand) I turn around and -not to be out done- the wild child then brings a baby chick in the bed to say “Good Morning”

It pooped

in my bed

on my new sheets…..

RISE AND SHINE!

*Why does no one bring coffee in my bed to “say good morning?”

After all the living things at the Funny Farms (aka – my glamorous life as I know it) are fed, I realize I need to go to the grocery store. I have this revelation because we are once again down to ketchup sandwiches. Oh and a **100** pound bag of black beans (because apparently my husband thinks I’m  now Ma Ingalls and have nothing else to do other than turn 100 lbs of black beans into Cuban soup and can it)  Do you understand how many mason jars of soup that is, ITS LIKE MILLIONS – NO EXAGGERATION- BECAUSE I WOULD NEVER EXAGGERATE.

As usual some of my greatest moments happen in the local grocery store. Standing in the canning section looking for Mason jar lids and rings I am approached by a gentleman with his buggy LOADED full of mason jars.

 “Yep canning season”

I smile and nod

“What are you canning?”

“Oh just re- canning some stuff I made”

Looking back, these were probably the most perfectly wrong words I could have possibly chosen.

Not particularly wanting to encourage a conversation, but feeling like a good southern girl whose life is lace, tea cups and baby animals, should say something back I ask: “What are you canning”

With the most incredulous look on his face he says “It’s March, what do you think I’m canning?” “Honey you KNOW what I’m canning”

Well at that very second I most certainly did not know what his particular use for the mason jars were.

However, as he was about halfway down the aisle in front of me –it hit me …Oh he’s canning MOONSHINE! (insert light bulb here) And because I’m subtle and all tea cuppy and everything, my mouth opens and I say: “Oh” “I get it”

Out loud

It also dawns on me (insert energy efficient light bulb here, because this took a little longer to turn on) that Mr. Retired Government – Court House Position Holding Official- now turned moonshine maker- thinks we have something in common.

He thinks I’m “canning moonshine” also!

Out loud-“ No – really – I’m  just canning black beans”

At this point he is laughing OUTLOUD and says: “Hope your ‘black beans’ turn out well and remember to only use your jar and lids only once because sometimes the lids and rings can have a reaction” (?)

I give up – Smile – shake my head- and head to dairy aisle.

ONLY IN A SMALL TOWN

When I return home to relate my story to my husband (from California) Dr. Suess’ ~ Mulberry Street comes to mind.

“And that’s a story that no one can beat, when I say that I saw it on Mulberry Street.”

“Stop telling such outlandish tales, stop turning minnows into whales”

Let me assure you honey I could not make this up if I tried.

Here’s to lace, tea cups, and mason jars! – AND SPRING!

 

 

 

Flarp and Sour Skittles

BEST—-VALENTINE—-EVERImage

 

I would say that without a doubt, this qualifies me as the Worlds Okayest Mom

And now that you have a fairly good idea of the wild child’s Valentine State Of Mind, I will tell you this; A couple of days ago I overheard McGyver (aka- husband) whispering (which he does so well just like a Drill Sargent) to the wild child: “You are in charge of finding your mom a valentine gift this year, I’ve not done so well in the past”

Nice honey- She’s 10  and has potty humor and is mad at me for making her diagram sentences.

So I sit here looking forward to my Valentines treat of Flarp and Sour SkittlesImageImage Wouldn’t change it for all the money in the world!  

Twenty things I can do in my 40’s that I could not do at 20

I turn another year older this week and instead of lamenting on the fact that it may be time for the dreaded reading glasses I have decided to look at the positive. You’ve Come A Long Way Baby… 

There were  a few things I could do in my 20’s that I can’t do now, but I think there are more things I can do now that I couldn’t (or didn’t want to) in my 20’s. So here we go……

1-Cook an awesome meal (and by awesome I mean not Ramen noodles)

2-Drink a cup of black coffee

3- Be upfront with people without the fear of rejection

4-Have a healthy relationship – (what was I thinking? was I thinking? good grief!)

5-understand GRACE (I LOVE this one!)

6-Go out without make up on

7-Go to the OB-GYN -and joke and laugh (kids have a way of taking care of that)

8-Go to a movie, out to eat or stay at home by myself (without the lights and the TV on all night)

9-Speak to a group of strangers

10-Buy better quality wine and much less of it.

11-Read a book from beginning to end (I still read the last chapter first)

12-Break into song and dance at the grocery store (oh wait I did that in my 20’s – just have the added enjoyment of embarrassing my kids)

13-Say “I love you” and understand what it means

14-Stand up for myself and be accountable to myself

15-Build a killer fire and bait my own hook

16.Accept a Compliment

17-Disassemble and clean my own gun (though the need for those reading glasses to do it is becoming more apparent)

18-Avoid the Drama (it has taken me 40 years to achieve this one and all I can say is GLORY, GLORY, GLORY-HALLELUJAH!)

19-Come to terms with the realization that I am not going to be Cher when I grow up. *I’m only a little disillusioned  (gypsies, tramps and thieves….. *you didn’t think I could make it through an entire post without the LCD kicking in did you?)

20-ANSWER TO THE NAME: MOM (THE VERY BEST THING!)

“They say we’re young and we don’t know 
We won’t find out until we grow 
 Well I don’t know if all that’s true 
‘Cause you got me, and baby I got you ” ~ Sonny and Cher

*Inspired from an article that I read in the Huffington Post

Home where my thought’s escaping…………………….

“Home, where my thought’s escaping
Home, where my music’s playing
Home ,where my love lies waiting
Silently for me” ~Paul Simon

Glad you joined me at my new home. Home where my thoughts will escape to the page.Home where the random music in my head will  appear with no rhyme or reason, Home where I will count my blessings and Home where as always his love lies waiting for me.

Grab a cup of coffee (or 2) and lets find grace in the everyday life of country living, ADD, chickens, camping, homesteading,giving roots and wings and dirty dishes. It’s there we just have to look!

Inside Out

To the beautiful young girl (and all the girls) I recently photographed, I just finished editing your session and have had you on my heart. I have went over our conversation in my mind and wanted to share this with you.
*I wish you could see you the way I see you through my lens.
A while back I went with my daughter to a plastic surgeon for a consult to have a benign cyst removed from above her eye. In the waiting room were all kinds of brochures with before and after shots of various ‘revisions’
Now honey, in the spirit of truth……I was like a kid in a candy shop! I never knew just how many choices and varieties were out there. LIONS AND TIGERS AND BEARS…..OH MY! And only because they were not running a ‘two for one special’ did I walk out in exactly the same shape I walked in.
A few weeks later I was in the hospital waiting room for a routine check- up that turned out to be not so routine. When I heard the words:”the radiologist saw something a little abnormal and would like for you to come back in” my mind went straight to the faith believing Christian that I am –
“OH LORD, IF MY HUSBAND RAISES MY CHILDREN THEY WILL BE FERAL”
~Whoa there Nellie- back up~
It turned out that everything was OK- but from that moment on all that really mattered was to be healthy and have non feral children.
*Of note *I have nothing against having ‘some work done’ and in fact I am trying to talk my oldest into that line of work so I can keep my options open. —oh yeah and so I can go with her when she does Operation Smile—that too
My point is (finally) the media is full of crap. I wish I could build a machine that turns you inside out and your heart was the first thing people saw. The world would be a different place. I can promise you Jr. High would be flipped on its head and you would rule!
(A random thought – as if they’re not ALL random in my head-I came up with a new word for us “snarcasm” It incorporates your age related sarcasm and my natural propensity to snarkiness.)
As a mom you reminded me that I need to stop saying things like “I’m fat, or I wish I could change…..” What I will be saying in 2014 is “I want to stay healthy; I need to run more, Maybe I should not stay out in the sun 6 and 7 hours straight.” (Oh how I love the sun!)
~I wish you could see yourself the way I see you and more importantly the way your creator sees you! Your CD is on the way.

Peaceful Easy

They say the definition of insanity is ‘doing the exact same thing over and over again and expecting a different outcome.’
2014 holds no new resolutions just truly “getting” the lessons I have already learned (cause boys and girls I am TIRED of learning these)
1- JOY STEALERS – like the old Ray Stevens song says:’ they’re everywhere, they’re everywhere!’ Yes they are, and they are unhappy and they want you to be unhappy. They live under fear and they don’t understand freedom and GRACE. *So 2014, there may be days when I am not happy but you will not steal my joy!
2- I AM NOT A MARTYR- this year I realized that some people enjoy turning their lives into martyrdom (is that a word?) Any situation they turn into a ‘nobody likes me, everybody hates me, I think I’ll eat some worms’ scenario. (these people can be a issue with lesson #1) *2014, Not me baby! I’m fighting till the end- I take responsibility for my own JOY
3- UNCONDITIONAL LOVE- 2013 showed me over and over how much my husband, my kids, and my friends loved me for me! *2014 – I’ll remember that and will try to pay it forward. (may need a reminder on that one)
4- SEEING THE FOREST FOR THE TREES- By nature a detail person. *2014- Big picture, Big picture (another tough one)
5- I DIDN’T BREAK IT- I CAN’T FIX IT – I am a ‘fixer’ by nature. Not everyone wants it fixed. There is comfort in familiarity. *2014- I can’t fix it all and it’s OK!
6- IT’S OK TO LAUGH- *Keep laughing
7- NOT EVERYONE IS GOING TO LIKE YOU- No matter what you do. At 45 years old this came as a very late realization to me. *2014-It’s O.K (light bulb moment!)
8- GOD IS A GOD OF GRACE-CHRISTIANS AREN’T ALWAYS- 2013, you just about did me in on this one. Got a little disillusioned. Watched as Christians were discarded and kicked while they were down. We fought among each other over the stupidest things. It made me sad to hear Christian artists get slandered, (by Christians) Apologetics and Calvinism was used and swung as a sword. Theology overrode common sense. No need to look for a demon behind every bush- we pretty much nailed it. *2014- I will remember that ‘God is good and people are crazy’
9- KAELEIGH HAS IT AT COLLEGE. * Whatever is missing my little granola has it.
Happy New Year Friends! We got this!
2014 ~I got a peaceful easy feeling and I know you won’t let me down, cause I’m already standing on the ground…
Photo: They say the definition of insanity is ‘doing the exact same thing over and over again and expecting a different outcome.’<br />
2014 holds no new resolutions just truly “getting” the lessons I have already learned (cause boys and girls I am TIRED of learning these)<br />
1-	JOY STEALERS – like the old Ray Stevens song says:’ they’re everywhere, they’re everywhere!’ Yes they are, and they are unhappy and they want you to be unhappy. They live under fear and they don’t understand freedom and GRACE. *So 2014, there may be days when I am not happy but you will not steal my joy!<br />
2-	I AM NOT A MARTYR- this year I realized that some people enjoy turning their lives into martyrdom (is that a word?) Any situation they turn into a ‘nobody likes me, everybody hates me, I think I’ll eat some worms’ scenario.  (these people can be a issue with lesson #1) *2014, Not me baby! I’m fighting till the end- I take responsibility for my own JOY<br />
3-	UNCONDITIONAL LOVE- 2013 showed me over and over how much my husband, my kids, and my friends loved me for me!  *2014 – I’ll remember that and will try to pay it forward. (may need a reminder on that one)<br />
4-	SEEING THE FOREST FOR THE TREES- By nature a detail person. *2014- Big picture, Big picture (another tough one)<br />
5-	 I DIDN’T BREAK IT- I CAN’T FIX IT – I am a ‘fixer’ by nature. Not everyone wants it fixed. There is comfort in familiarity.  *2014- I can’t fix it all and it’s OK!<br />
6-	IT’S OK TO LAUGH- *Keep laughing<br />
7-	NOT EVERYONE IS GOING TO LIKE YOU- No matter what you do. At 45 years old this came as a very late realization to me. *2014-It’s O.K (light bulb moment!)<br />
8-	GOD IS A GOD OF GRACE-CHRISTIANS AREN’T ALWAYS- 2013, you just about did me in on this one. Got a little disillusioned. Watched as Christians were discarded and kicked while they were down. We fought among each other over the stupidest things. It made me sad to hear Christian artists get slandered, (by Christians) Apologetics and Calvinism was used and swung as a sword. Theology overrode common sense. No need to look for a demon behind every bush- we pretty much nailed it. *2014- I will remember that ‘God is good and people are crazy’<br />
9-	KAELEIGH HAS IT AT COLLEGE. * Whatever is missing my little granola has it.<br />
Happy New Year Friends! We got this!<br />
2014 ~I got a peaceful easy feeling and I know you won’t let me down, cause I’m already standing on the ground...

Murphy has Kids

*The facts of life (or Murphy has children)
01. 60 degrees is too cold to take out the garbage but 40 degrees is not too cold to play in the creek
02. If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite. Hair spray is also a good way to start a fire and the can WILL make a really cool explosion noise if you put it in the above said fire.
03. Your 2 year olds voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant. Inevitably people in Golden Corral on Raeford Rd, in Fort Bragg restaurant will simultaneously stop talking when your child asks about an obvious second marriage: “Why is that man kissing his daughter” (Don’t you know the first wife would give her right arm to hear this)
04. If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is strong enough to rotate a Barbie Doll. However it is not strong enough to rotate a 44 pound girl wearing fairy wings and a tutu. It is strong enough, if tied to a paint can with the button taped down, to spread paint on all four walls of a 20 by 20 foot room…..Cool
05. The ceiling fan will spin a 12 pound cat around…..It’s really not a good idea though Cat’s throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.
06. The glass in windows (even double pane) doesn’t stop leggo’s , pet rocks, or marbles hit by the lawn mower from going through them. Neither does the glass in the front door. As I write this I currently have **4** window planes that need replacing
07. Lap tops are not lemonade proof, and Google will educate your child more than you want them to if you let them type in:”two girls playing”
08. Permanent marker is just that …they ain’t kidding.
09. A six-year-old can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 45-year-old man says they can only do it in the movies. They can also do this with a empty lighter with the safety on, a magnifying glass, two sticks, hairspray, and sometimes fingernail polish remover if they are really good. …….Mine were
10. Carpet cleaner will not kill a child if swallowed (according to the poison control center that we called) Neither did a half a bottle of gummy vitamins, falling off the bed, counter, barn, or ceiling fan.
11. Play Dough and Microwave should never be used in the same sentence. Neither should raw eggs, aluminum foil, or happy meal toys. I do agree that the sparks that shoot out are pretty and it is just like being on “one of those spin rides on the play ground except no one  has to push it” but none the less— a bad idea.
21. It is funny to glue your feet together with super glue, on the other hand it loses its humor getting them apart. Skin does renew its self. Painting the Rottweiler’s toes pink and filling the German Sheppard’s ears with bathroom caulking is also easier on than off. 
13. No matter how much Jell-O you put in your bath tub, you or your Barbie’s can not walk on water. (bet you didn’t know that)
14. VCR’s do not eject PB&J sandwiches even though TV commercials show they do. Best Buy in Fayetteville, NC WILL NOT honor the warranty when they take it apart and find Twizzlers in it. Twizzlers are not covered , although they should be.
15. Garbage bags do not make good parachutes, bed sheets work a little better… but not much.
16. 5 year old’s are not very good drivers…..go figure
17. The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms dizzy. The dryer will dehydrate them.
18. The mind of a child is wonderful, let them color outside the lines! 

Photo: We are starting college applications here on the funny farm and I am getting a little nostalgic, so todays blog is of memories (& nightmares:)<br />
*The facts of life( or Murphy  has children)<br />
01.  60 degrees is too cold to take out the garbage but 40 degrees is not too cold to play in the creek<br />
02.  If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite. Hair spray is also a good way to start a fire and the can WILL make a really cool explosion noise if you put it in the above said fire.<br />
03.  Your 2 year olds voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant. Inevitably people in Golden Corral on Raeford Rd, in Fort Bragg restaurant will simultaneously stop talking when your child asks about an obvious second marriage: “Why is that man kissing his daughter” (Don’t you know the first wife would give her right arm to hear this)<br />
04.  If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is strong enough to rotate a  Barbie Doll. However it is not strong enough to rotate a 44 pound girl wearing fairy wings and a tutu.  It is strong enough, if tied to a paint can with the button taped down, to spread paint on all four walls of a 20 by 20 foot room…..Cool<br />
05.  The ceiling fan will spin a 12 pound cat around…..It’s really not a good idea though Cat’s throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.<br />
06.  The glass in windows (even double pane) doesn't stop leggo’s , pet rocks, or marbles hit by the lawn mower from going through them. Neither does the glass in the front door. As I write this I currently have **4** window planes that need replacing<br />
07.  Lap tops are not lemonade proof, and Google will educate your child more than you want them to if you let them type in:”two girls playing”<br />
08.  Permanent marker is just that …they ain’t kidding.<br />
09.  A six-year-old can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 45-year-old man says they can only do it in the movies. They can also do this with a completely empty lighter with the safety on, a magnifying glass, two sticks, hairspray, and sometimes fingernail polish remover if they are really good. …….Mine were<br />
10.  Carpet cleaner will not kill a child if swallowed (according to the poison control center that we called) Neither did a half a bottle of gummy vitamins, falling off the bed, counter, barn, or ceiling fan.<br />
11.  Play Dough and Microwave should never be used in the same sentence. Neither should raw eggs, aluminum foil, or happy meal toys. I do agree that the sparks that shoot out are pretty and it is just like being on “one of those spin rides on the play ground except no has to push it” but none the less--- a bad idea.<br />
12.  It is funny to glue your feet together with super glue, on the other hand it loses its humor getting them apart. Skin does renew its self.  Painting the Rottweiler’s toes pink and filling the German Sheppard’s ears with bathroom caulking is also easier on than off.<br />
13.  No matter how much Jell-O you put in your bath tub, you or your Barbie’s can not walk on water. (bet you didn’t know that)<br />
14.  VCR's do not eject PB&J sandwiches even though TV commercials show they do. Best Buy in Fayetteville, NC WILL NOT honor the warranty when they take it apart and find Twizzlers in it. Twizzlers are not covered , although they should be.<br />
15.  Garbage bags do not make good parachutes, bed sheets work a little better but not much.<br />
16.  5 year olds are not very good drivers…..go figure<br />
17.  The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms dizzy. The dryer will dehydrate them.<br />
18.  The mind of a child is wonderful, let them color outside the lines!</p>
<p>*This blog was inspired by a daily devotion I read. The cat and have scars from the actual events that took place at the funny farm